Sometimes the glass is not half-full or half-empty. Sometimes, the glass is cracked.
Over the summer, I led a webinar where 680 participants registered to hear me share thoughts on cultivating a growth mindset. My gratitude to Women Unlimited for inviting me.
One of the slides presented elements on psychological capital. We spent some time discussing the business case for hope: hope theory, hope and productivity, and the role of hope among leaders.
Thinking about hope, we talked about the difference between will power and way power. That reflection reminded me of a conversation I had some months ago with Dr. Angi Yoder-Maina, Executive Director of the Green String Network.
Angi and I talked about (and connected on) an image the Green String Network utilizes when engaging in healing-centered peace building, which, for me, goes something along like this:
We often ask each other, are you a glass half-empty or a half-full type of person. Usually meaning, how do you look at life, are you an optimist? Well, we are asking the wrong question. Here is why:
When we answer that question, we go within and reflect on how we are hopeful or hard working or resilient or filled with conviction and grit; even faith and trust that things (life) will work out. These are beautiful and meaningful character traits, ones I consider, believe in, and aspire to employ every day.
There is nothing 'wrong' with feeling this way. But here is the thing, however. What happens when we fill our lives with these emotions, traits, and commitment to see the glass half-full and, still, despite our optimism for life, we cannot reach personal internal peace or external professional goals?
I believe that asking whether we are a glass half-full or half-empty kind of person is not trauma-conscious. For one, the glass is always half-full if we consider water + air. From a trauma-conscious perspective, it is not about how we see the glass—it is the glass.
Meaning, no matter how hard we work to nourish the glass of life with amazing elements, the vessel holding the water has cracks in it, it leaks. The leaks are the personal, collective, and structural wounds needing repair, understanding, and healing.
When we begin to understand the leaks, we begin to repair the glass, the vessel, the space holding our water. When we begin to unveil the glass and our wounds, we begin to humanize our experience within the contours of our encounters with others, with life. That is at the core of being healing-centered.
The image that the Green String Network uses in their work is incredible:
Green String Network’s Healing Centered Peacebuilding Approach Graphic by @graphicharvest posted to their Instagram April 23, 2021
When we begin to heal the glass, it can safely hold all of our emotions, it can hold enough water to nourish our bodies, it can be used to carry more water from the well, it can be used as a watering tool to grow flowers, and we can gift it others with it when we use it as a base to hold flowers, we picked from the blooming garden we built. For me, my work is about willpower, hoping and trusting my steps toward humanizing trauma, raising awareness about mental health and the implications of being trauma affected.
Each day is a new step, and that brings me to how will power is both a journey and a destination in trauma healing.
For me, it has also been about my way power. I grew up hearing this: “Caminante no hay camino, se hace el camino al andar”, which the literal translation is: “walker, there is no path, you make the path by walking”.
When not knowing which way to go, I paused to hold space when riddled with anxiety or fear. I paused to discern which path to take when I have been persecuted and terrified in my life. I also paused and cherished the countless moments of love and joy I experienced in my life. Will power in tow, I walked one foot in front of the other.
Walking freely is such a powerful experience for me because I grew up with military checkpoints, questioning our every move or needing permission to go from one point to the next. Sometimes I did not know where the walk would take me, but I always believed it would be the way for me to live out a meaningful life: my own destination and feeling of peace.
Walking for me is meaningful because of how walks in the city or in nature have guided my steps. Walking is always meaningful for me because of my work in refugee resettlement at the beginning of my career; walking with others toward a safe destination.
When I was conducting my doctoral field research in Liberia in 2013, I was talking with entrepreneurs about post-trauma rebuilding through business ventures. One of the individuals I met asked why I was talking with them now, during the “dawn” of Liberia, after its dark nights.
One of the people who had arranged the meeting on my behalf, replied before I could respond to him. She said, “Ceci was with us during the war; she walked with us in the bush when we were fleeing.” The man looked at me and asked no additional questions. He knew I knew. He knew I cared. He knew I had been walking with them.
That sharing, that moment, is one I will never forget for many reasons. First, the bond we shared. Second, the trust we were able to build together. Third, the hope we hoped for moving forward after the way (ways) the war had changed his lives, their lives, my life. Lastly, I thought about growing up during the Dirty War, I felt like no one, the international community, had not walked with me and I felt abandoned.
In spiritual discernment, there is the concept of accompaniment when you walk with someone. As a secular Franciscan observer, I felt that I accompanied others in their walk and just as many accompanied me on my way to heal.
Be kind to yourself today in the ways that you map peace in your journey. In the words of Jerry Garcia in the song Ripple:
“...reach out your hand if your cup is empty if your cup is full may it be again… let it be known there is a fountain... that was not made by the hands of men... there is a road, no simple highway… between the dawn and the dark of night… and if you go no one may follow … that path is for your steps alone... ripple in still water …”
Take and make time for healing.
Honoring the Franciscan way, I am wishing Pace e Bene to you today.
This article was originally published in MappingOnward: Summer 2021 Issue.